murder is meat

a career in finance or law enforcement would have been extraordinary, but the physical fitness requirements are so serious, so awful. you could not do the chin-ups and the long journeys on foot, you failed the physical fitness exam offered by the economics department - what is left for you? no one welcomes you into the temple of finance, so from the gutter of despair you call out: what? how? if not now, then why ever?

fortunately you princess or prince of the new century will find happiness. a life of crime awaits. like working in high finance only with sex. here is the simple elegance you crave:

• debts are awkward, unstylish, non-crom.* kill your creditors - the look of freedom on their faces as they pass into the abyss will be worth the long hours of cleanup and hand-wringing over technical details, logistics.
• milk is $0.99 at the corner store but only $0.69 at the korean place two blocks up? fuck it - steal from both. tell each that the other put you up to it. the koreans are used to this kind of routine and will not take you seriously. but at the slightest fucking provocation they'll kill that other guy so hard you'll cry, just because, just to stay razor-sharp. yet another way you stay in the finance game. seriously don't mess with the koreans unless you've got wisdom and dexterity scores of at least 16. anything lower they'll laugh in your face before they tear your kneecaps off and wear them as yarmulkes.
• web 2.0: perfect of its kind, or merely extraordinary and fresh? hipness is a crime and you're the charles manson of your little coffeeklatch. marilyn manson if you're a girl.
• do you know why the phrase 'like taking candy from a baby' is used so often? because taking candy from adults is nowhere near as fucking awesome. it benefits the child in that obviously they're likely to choke to death on hard candies and fruits - please baby casmir don't eat that jolly rancher, you could grow up to be an astronaut if you wanted, we were only kidding baby casmir - and it benefits you in that the feeling of achievement the candy-stealing gives you caps off your long twilight struggle with an orgasmic rush. seriously you're a finance nerd, how likely is it you're going to get or give the bone?

here's an equation for you from the temple of finance:

college degree + determination = ?

if you said 'success' we can't help you, we laugh, it is a horrible day for you, a confused and confusing day. if you looked at that equation and punched your computer monitor, we may be related biologically as well as in spirit. pick the monitor up off the floor, clean yourself. the tears staining your cheeks are honest tears. you punched the computer because of a math problem. your despair is real. the koreans are watching.

* short for 'non-cromulent' which is obviously some kind of television reference.

Comments

[RamonGustav]

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[Buy_Viagra]

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[Antivirus_man]

The new year is already knocking at the door, let it will bring only happiness and joy.

[logitech g9 mouse]

I really have no idea what the point of this post was. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

[Home Security]

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