seems to us like america is having trouble getting shit straight these days - both at home and abroad. a lot of people are saying: why, america? why you do that to me? why you wanna hurt me this way baby? you gave us paris hilton, democracy, many bombs - what can do we do for you? how can we make things better when you won't even talk to me about what's wrong, america?
baby why you blow up my democracy with your bombs, baby?
ok but get past that: hitler fought the forces of freedom and was vanquished, and since then it's been a super victory parade for the forces of freedom. we don't ask you about gerard depardieu, france, so why do you ask us about george bush? hey thailand! we don't complain that your green curry is so freaky hot painful. why you say shit about our war on terror?
yeah that's right we're looking at YOU pakistan!
that said, there are other concerns.
when you go to the bars and clubs, always bring along at least 150 index cards to pass out to sweet bitches and possible business contacts. you can fill out the index cards in advance. ideally they will be various day-glo colours (pink, yellow, incredible green, blue), and each colour will correspond to a particular type of contact that you want to make. see that sweet bitch in the corner? throw him/her an incredible green index card on which you've written your name, the blogspot URL that is most precious to you, perhaps a few words of wisdom gleaned from this month's ESQUIRE magazine. (did you renew your subscription? and your driver's license. are you keeping up with documentation needs, current events? how will you buy booze?) he or she will know whether you're using a high-quality electro-gel combination pen and microwave - that sweet bitch won't be easily fooled.
business contacts let's just say it who really cares what colour you give them, so long as when you finish making out on the rug you remember to shut off the camera.
other facts: pink cards for the homeless. yellow cards for 'future action' items and tremendous shopping lists. write your amazon.com wish list on a blue piece of paper and always have it peeking out of your pocket - oh what's that? can i buy you something from that list? what you say - you like me, my legs?
you will ideally forget this colour system because you will have OFFLOADED your memories, keanu-in-the-matrix-style, onto the index cards. (neo had index cards and he saved the world from the robots by using them judiciously.) others will get back to you. this is grassroots - this is distributed computing. this is the next generation device, peeking out from behind the glutinous mass of the soul-deadened future to share wisdom with the current generation. harness the device, and you're one more step on the cobblestone road to fixing what's wrong with you.
There's something very... David Byrne ... about this index card business.
Posted by: 'Kanian | 09 March 2005 at 19:49