you're probably embarrassed by the startling shitpile that is your desktop. it's covered in the usual detritus - but with a personal touch. book covers you took off of hardcover books you borrowed: did you remember to return those books? do your friends still call you? there's a statue of ganesh. when did you last pray, or share friendly words with that elephant-headed little indian man? and yet you claim, when people complain about the smell or the inaccessible mess, that there's an order to it all.
you're right: there is. but until now you've lacked the analytical tools to really understand that order. the sheer brazen uncromulence of your little world hides the key to understanding the human mind. or yours, anyhow.
think of your pile of refuse and castoffs as a complex topography. there's the important stuff, obviously: your moleskine, your desk lamp, your unopened box of condoms, an empty beer bottle for self defense. the relevance of your detritus (which we'll helpfully abbreviate hereafter as dtrts) falls off precipitously as you move away from the polestar items. deodorant? probably next to the moleskine, WHERE IT BELONGS. subway pass? next to the alarm clock, ITS RIGHTFUL PLACE. the simon and garfunkel cd collection you borrowed from s_____ six months ago? honestly, let's get shit straight: you have no idea where it is. you're never going to find it, and that's not a big deal. you've had a hard time taking s_____ seriously since you found out about his genital condition - it's not that you have a problem with him, exactly, and you're quite understanding about other people's sexual practices, but...ewww. some things are not worth bothering to understand.
we know you got an email from s_____ today, asking if you want to go the museum. make a goddamn note in your moleskine right now: you're not going to the museum with s_____ or ANYONE else. you're smack-dab in the middle of vygotsky's zone of proximal development here, accomplishing things with the help of a website that, unaccompanied, you might never have thought of. s____ and his disgusting warts, or whatever, are going to have to find some other way of getting culture. you're fixing what's wrong with you. we understand. he's just going to have to live with that.
but if his wiener shrivels and falls off, definitely give him a call, because that's going to be AWESOME.
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